thereyougothen: (scary stuff)
you know, if it comes back to bite me, i'm not scared. i just assume that they will keep giving me herceptin. maybe someday it would stop working, but until then, why worry?

today my dad's cousin and his wife, and their two friends came to visit. i know, how unexpected is that, for mum and dad to be here, when B and P had booked a cruise from valparaiso leaving on sunday, and 3 days in santiago preceding it. none of this was planned on purpose. it would be odd enough for them to have a holiday booked here while we are here, never mind fitting in with mum and dad!

anyway. G, one of their travellng companions, is very tired, and not feeling well, not eating well. and well, i know and recognise those signs. She has a cancer of the peritoneum. and has dealt with 7 years of chemo and other nonsense. she had a 1.5 year remission, which was when they booked this cruise. but it has come back to bite her.

anyway, the thing is, i've spent the last couple of week both talking, and just thinking about how much i miss my chats with my neighbours and fellow travellers. i know that G didn't have breast cancer, so it wasn't exactly the same as a chat with someone who did, but how is it, when I have been really feeling the need to talk to someone who just, well, *gets* it, that she should come along?

i am so much more lucky than she is. but today i met a fellow traveller. and that is important.

when i filled out my renewal form for the international association, they had a space for comments, so i suggested that they have an experience register. i'll put my name down, so that periodically i can have a whinge about cancer and chemo with someone. i need that. it's not a bad thing, and usually i end up laughing when i talk to someone else who has been there. but i need it. just once in a while.
thereyougothen: (scary stuff)
isn't that great? i actually have enough hair to be having a bad hair day. it's sticking out behind my ears and looking really rather silly though.

in other news, i am reading a book. a real honest to god novel for the first time in months and i can actually remember what i read before i went to sleep last night.

maybe i shold dig out the couple of trashy spanish romances that a friend gave me when i last tried to learn spanish. i wonder if I still have them? i think the ambivalence is gone again.

in other other news, i bought some silicone cupcake cups. they look great in bright colours, but they are a bugger to clean. whether b hand or in the dishmasher. maybe paper cupcake cups aren't such a bad thing after all. i think i will make the boys some jello in the silicone ones, or something.
thereyougothen: (scary stuff)
when I woke up this morning I had to ask Bill what day it was. unfortunately it is Monday, so I had to get up, help get the boys sorted and go to work.

i was good for not very much at work. i spent ages going through a database of publications and capitalising all the titles (why didn't the person who put them in do that in the first place? possibly becasue she doesn't know about the capitalising titles convention?)

i then went to try and explain something about tables in MS Word to the boss. I kept trailing off halfway through sentences and I don't think i manged to explain anything very successfully. The boss suggested I go home. so i left about 30 minutes early.

and have had lunch and coffee and chocolate, and it hasn't helped.

I really need to go through the playroom closet and find the trousers of TT's graduation from nursery outfit so that N can wear it on Wednesday. but really, i think all i am good for is sitting on the sofa. i'm not even sure if my eyes will focus well enough to knit.

i don't know if it's still post-chemo tired, or not sleeping becasue of chilean indecision tired. or a bit of both.

whichever, i'm bloody tired today.

what day is it again?
thereyougothen: (Default)
so on Wednesday i had my second herceptin. other than the fact that it took 3 needles and 2 nurses, it was ok. it should be my last hospital based treatment. the rest should be at home. or at least the rest of the ones I havde in *this* country. somehow I don't think I'll get it at home if we're in Chile.

i needed to be out by 12.45 to collect N and take him to PReston Street for his P1 indoctrination, and I made it, I was set free just at 12.45. funny that.

it was really quiet, so I nabbed the window seat, seeing as I was on my own, Bill and I had decided that he should save his time off for the school visit.

a woman who looked a bit familiar came in with her husband, plus another woman with a friend. anyway, there were just the three of us in the bay, and we got to chatting.

it was woman number 2's last chemo, and I said it was my last visit as well. I don't know what she was being treated for, but she was going to be there for 5 hours. her friend held her hand as the needle was put in, i know how that feels.

woman number 1, well, she was very pretty, perfect hair (a wig? I have no idea) and makeup, nice clothes, I wish I could do that. but. she said she had secondary breast cancer, and was having an extra 3 chemo sessions, on top of i don't know how many original ones, becasue the chemo was working really well for her.. i don't know how long it was since she had her first cancer, but she is ONLY 36! and she's got secondary breast cancer.

they give you numbers, when you're diagnosed, your percentage chance of it coming back. i've posted my numbers before. they sound really good. have the whole darn shootin' match, and i'm looking at 95-98% that it won't come back and bite me again.

Well. the woman I met on Wednesday had been given pretty good numbers too. 93%.

So I'm having a bit of a freakout to myself.

and i'm still so bloody tired. why is that?
thereyougothen: (scary stuff)
So, this morning is my second herceptin appointment. And the first time I have had to go to Ward 1 on my own. Bill has too much work to do to be able to afford this morning off as well as this afternoon.

This afternoon may be even more nerve wracking than this morning's appointment. I have to stanf up in front of all the new parents for next year's Primary 1 and talk about the Parent Council.

But first I have to get through my appointment, and out the other side in time to collect N and get up to the school. But it's very exciting. Even TT was beside himself this morning with excitement that N is going for his school visit. He gets to see the classroom, we get to meet his teachers (well, we will have already met, but this is official) and I get to tell all the new parents how wonderful the parent council is... eek.

But I'm not looking forward to going to the hospital all by myself. But we agree that it is more important for Bill to come along for N's first official school visit. I'm a big girl, I can handle it. Both things.

Whichever, it's better than working. More on that in another post.

In other news, we have to wait at least another week for the official job offer. that means at least three weeks from hearing that he's got it, to getting any other details. aargh.

oh and...

Apr. 24th, 2008 10:37 pm
thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
the nice people at Ward 1 at the Western have rescheduled my first Herceptin appt for a week later and at 9.30. So Bill will be home, and we will be able to drop the boys off at school first.

and i forgot to mention that my parents were able to see my new hair via webcam tonight. i love technology!
thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
bugger me, but they *are* irritating.
thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
Even after being sick at the low point of this cycle, I have recovered really well. My white count had been at least as low as 2.5, and look at it - all the way back up to 4.3, 0.4 higher than the last cycle.

Damn, I never knew or appreciated just how strong and healthy I was/am, deep down under all this other crap. I appreciate it now. I don't think I'll be taking my health for granted any more.

I need to remember that it will be 3 months before I am back to a reasonable immune system - 3 months of still being careful of what I eat, what I clean up around the house. Making sure the boys keep their hands and faces clean. But still, we're very much on the home stretch.



Date:

26/03/08

05/03/08

13/02/08

23/01/08

02/01/08

12/12/07

21/11/07

Cycle No.

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Full Blood Count:

Hb

125

123

122

125

121

125

121

123

WBC

4.3

3.9

4.0

4.7

4.5

5.8

6.2

7.4

Plts

229

212

190

233

239

238

354

253

Neutrophils:

2.41

2.34

1.8

2.36

2.09

2.81

3.59

4.66



Dose:

Cyclophosphamide: 1600
Methotrexate: 105
Fluorouracil (5FU): 1300

thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
all done. 8 chemo treatments, and here i am, alive and kicking. well, almost.

we went for a celebratory lunch, i even had a glass of wine. i am now exhausted and will spend the rest of the afternoon in my bed.

but - yay! chemo, done and dusted. go me!

just the herceptin to go...

the usual update will be along after i've had a nap. or tomorrow. or sometime in the next few days.
thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
today is the eighth and final chemo treatment. wow. i never thought it would come around so fast.

fingers crossed though, i have a cold, sore throat, sneezes and streaming nose (well, the streaming nose has been a chemo feature all along). when i spoke to the nurse yesterday she seemed to agree with me that unless i had a fever it would be alright. but i have spent the last week, both before and since the cold took hold, worrying that something would happen and i wouldn't be able to have the last treatment on schedule.

Bill leaves for Chile in less than a week. i expect to be at my lowest point when he leaves and pick up a couple of days after. if my treatment is delayed, it will mean i go through my whole low point while he's away. not good.

fingers crossed all round, please?
thereyougothen: (Default)

Pretend hair, originally uploaded by thereyougothen.

I finally kept the pretend hair on for long enough for photos to be taken.

thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
this actually frightened me quite a lot. a mild bug caught from one of my kids has knocked me down really quite spectacularly. after sailing through and all that. this was scary, and a bit of a wake up call.

thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
well, i guess it had to happen eventually. i picked up N's tummy bug. I went to bed at 8.30 on saturday night and had to get up 3 times that night. then all seemed to be ok except for being too tired to get out of bed all day sunday. i eventually got up at about 2 o'clock yesterday (monday) afternoon, for maybe 2 hours tops. i had something other than toast to eat. big mistake, as i found out when I got hit with it again at 8 o'clock at night. and 3 or 4 times in the night again.

so we phoned the western this morning, and they told me to go to the GP to get my bloods checked and to get some nice antispasmodic drugs to make the tummy cramps go away. interestingly when we got to the GP's, the western had already been on the phone to them. if i hadn't called, they would have chased me up. so, we're waiting for the blood test results - if my white count is low, i have antibiotics to take.

i'm pretty dehydrated, so i keep trying to drink, but even that takes energy i don't really have. this ain't a lot of fun, you know?

at least i'm not puking as well.

my mum is still here, but barbara comes back today, so mum is going to stay with her friends for tonight and tomorrow. we were supposed to be going out tomorrow, just the two of us to do fun stuff like a bit of shopping and lunch, but i guess that's out of the question now.

Bill has taken today off work, he's at the library with the boys just now, and mum and i are each sat at our respective computers....

i am so very very tired. i wonder if i can still knit?
thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
i have hit the tiredness wall. so it's not the steroid slump, since i'm still on them. i obviously just hit my low point statistically early.

never mind. i am still going knitting tomorrow afternoon. i've got enough cash for a taxi home, if i need one.
thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
My counts have gone back up again, so I'm pretty relieved.



Date:

26/03/08

05/03/08

13/02/08

23/01/08

02/01/08

12/12/07

21/11/07

Cycle No.

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Full Blood Count:

Hb

123

122

125

121

125

121

123

WBC

3.9

4.0

4.7

4.5

5.8

6.2

7.4

Plts

212

190

233

239

238

354

253

Neutrophils:

2.34

1.8

2.36

2.09

2.81

3.59

4.66



Dose:

Cyclophosphamide: 1600
Methotrexate: 105
Fluorouracil (5FU): 1300

thereyougothen: (Default)
god how i hate every third wednesday. i'm sat here drinking as much water and orange juice as i cn force down, in the hope that being well hydrated will mean nice easy veins. or even vein, we only need one. i have my lorazepam to take just as we leave the house.

mum will stay with me and bill will take the boys off to play for a couple of hours then come back and get us. we might go out to lunch after, since I am always very hungry after the large steroid dose.

blah. looking forward to the end of this.

don't anyone remind me that the herceptin means a needle every three weeks too. i'd like to forget about that for a little longer.

i'm on to the gusset increases on the toe up sock now, so there's something interesting to do while i wait.
thereyougothen: (problem knitting)
but it's not.

i had pre-chemo bloods this morning, which is usually a monday thing, but yesterday was a holiday. a different nurse today and it was a bit tougher than usual. 3 needles. oh dear. i hope tomorrow is better. the 2nd needle went in and she got some blood, but then it stopped and there was nothing coming out so she had to try again, luckily it worked.

i'm to take a lorazepam tomorrow morning before going, as well as relaxing me, it might relax my veins as well. and i will try and drink a litre or so of orange juice or water.

anyway, i'd hoped to get out to lvingston in time to meet up with the mcarthur glen knitters, but we didn't get there until almost noon. oh well. still, had quite a successful shopping spree. a new teapot! and some fun stuff from the paper mill shop. i have become quite addicted to making things that involve rubber stamping.

and... drum roll.... the rowan country pullover is finished! all the ends sewn in and everything! there were eleventy million ends becasue the yarn kept shredding, but it's done. i still wish i'd used smaller needles for the waist ribbing, but i don't dislike it enough to redo it.

what next? a lighter sweater for me, or Elijah, for one of the teachers' babies? Elijah in dark orange jaeger matchmaker DK. sound good?
thereyougothen: (knitting)
went to knitting today. it was nice. i went hatless. i think i may have tried to pretend that it wasn't a very big deal. but actually it was. that's the first time i've been out in public without a hat since i think mid-december.

i have made much progress on TT's 2nd sock. i'm 25 rows from the toe shaping. he'll be very pleased to have them finished.

the boys are beside themselves with excitement about my mum coming. i don't remember ever being so excited about seeing my grandparents. i must make sure my mum realises how much her grandsons appreciate her!

i started a shopping bag, finally using up what's left of what I will now know as my suffragist kitchen cotton, thanks to [profile] hfnuala  . Green, white & violet (plus a couple other colours that don't matter for the purposes of this exercise).

worked out which stitch patterns to use if I want to make the top in the bergere de france ad in Let's KNit. i tried to find a pattern, but couldn't, and from what i can see, even if there is a pattern, it will only be in french, so i'll probably manage to do it just as "easily" on my own. if i'm lucky, the very nice Sirdar Luxury Soft Cotton 4 Ply from Wye Sue's destash that [profile] eastofedin  brought me back from skipnorth will do the trick for this pattern. if i can find a picture online, i'll link to it.

now that thanks to Stephanie Pearl-McPhee I know about the Terrible (in a good way) Knitters of Dent I can imagine looking upon my married name in a better light.

what else?

my mum arrives tuesday. Barbara goes home for a two week holiday the same day.

i didn't start swatching for TT's next pullover.

i have three baby projects to do. i have no idea what. one is for a friend having another baby. the other two are for teachers, each of the boys has a pregnant teacher. each of the boys assumes that i will make something for the baby. how could I not, in the circumstances?

cardigans? blankets? should i attempt my first knitted toy?

too tired to think further about it now. good night.
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