(no subject)

i am not coping at all well, i am losing control of my temper and screaming at the boys. they are not listening, in fct now they are laughing at me. this is unbearable and I don't think i am going to get thourgh this week without some crisis.

i have two other children to look after all day tomorrow becasue their parents are idiots who choose to ruin marathons. it will either make the day easier (i hope thisis the case) or it will be an unmitigated disaster.

bill had only been home from japan for 3 weeks. this trip is too soon.

once the boys start laughing at me i have completley lost. i really don't know what else to do. i can't ban television, i won't survive the week if there is no television.

i am not coping at all.

well, you could say the day got worse

due to me being stupid earlier in the week, we had to go to sainsbury's today.

i decided it would be a good day to try the "coinstar" machine, so we emptied all three piggy banks and off we went. the money weighed a ton!

on the way into cameron toll we ran into joanna. we chatted for a while, while the annoying two ran about shrieking. then they started bugging me, so we went in to sainsbury's. we poured all our money into the machine and amazingly got a voucher for £54.58! I'd thought we'd be doing well if we had £15! There were I think 19 £ coins, so I guess that what's built the total up. mostly coppers and 5 pences though.

then after i picked up a trolley we ran into halle. so we chatted. and the boys wrnt to look at magazines. then they started to moan again. but you know, look, i've just had the mornign from hell, i have no prospect of adult conversation for a whole weekend, if I run into my friends i'm damn well going to make the most of it.

well, the trip round sainsbury's was horrific. even the cashier at the end said they were hyper. they were hyper all the way round. it was exhausting, and i was practically shaking. i realise now i should have just turned around and left when i realised. but hey, hindsight is like that.

they actually ate a half decent lunch and played outside for a lot of the afternoon, and didn't ask for telly until 5.15. then i got them to do tidy up before teatime. they ate well, but N refused the rice pudding. says he doesn't like it. but if he never eats it how the hell does he know?

anyway, they played some more, then it was bedtime, and they were little shits again. nothing too major, just loud and running around and flicking their clothes around so as to *just* miss hitting me. so no stories.

i felt guilty, but actually, why the hell should i have to read nice stories to them when i am so angry that i can barely control my tone of voice? and if I am so angry at them, it's pretty obvious that all they deserve is sleep. aargh.

if tomorrow is like this I don't know what i will do. K & M will arrive at 5 to 8. and it's gong to rain all day so we will be indoors. i can't take 4 kids out in the car. originally they were going to get someone else to look after Maya, but in the end they dind't, and oh I wish they had, I could pack the three boys in the car and go themuseum of flight, butnot all 4 kids.

i just want to go and cry somewhere now. but i can't. that would be counterproductive.

i have done no sewing today, and i don'ttink i will get any done tomorrow. i'm not gong to try tonight, i'm too jangled and this is *important* stuff.

i cast on for the final sleeve of the wrap top this afternoon, so i'll see what's on the telly and go work on that.

please can i have some positive vibes for a good day tomorrow? i really need them.

ok, i found something to make me laugh.

ahem, i think it is hilarious, but let's just say, erm, jesus wept...

http://tinyurl.com/fsv6d