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Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Oct. 31st, 2007 11:00 amI'm not entirely sure what I want to say, but today is the last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2007. And during this month I had a mastectomy and a breast reconstruction. Who knew? To have had this happen to me at all is enough of a shock, to have had it happen during the month where we are all supposed to be thinking about it anyway is just weird, to be frank.
i suppose that my situation (still can't bring myself to claim cancer as my own, it was all pre-cancerous, remember) has made all my friends much more aware of breast cancer in general and the awareness campaign in particular, which is a good thing to have come out of it.
The huge number of people who have contact with me on a close or casual basis have all been woken up to the fact that it can hit anyone at any time and any age. this is a good thing. it's amazing how many people i do have contact with, there are my friends, and there are an awful lot of you. the other parents at school and nursery school, my new job, my old job, city knitty, LJ. i wonder just how many people know about me now?
i have moments when i forget that the surgery is over, and i find myself thinking that i'll do it after the surgery. then i'll remember that it's over. there must be something in the fact that i came out of hospital with the same general shape that i went in with that allows me to forget momentarily.
i don't like looking at myself. maybe it will get easier when the blue marker pen is finally all washed away, and the steri strips are gone. i have to get used to touching it though. i've been told that i will need to massage the scars to help them heal. i'm not ready for that yet, which i why i sent Bill on a fruitless search for wide steri strips the other day. the nurse said that when the steri strips get "dog eared" i'm to take thewm off and that will be when i'm sto start the 10 minutes a day massage programme, of the abdominal and the breast scars. if i replaced the steri strips, i could delay that. i'm not ready for that yet.
i have my follow up appointment at the western general breast clinic on friday. that is when I will hear about the pathology report on the breast tissue that was removed. there is a 90% chance that it was completley clear of cancer. It may well have been riddled with micro-calcifications, but those are pre-cancerous, remember?
everything has gone so well so far, and i feel as though this is the last hurdle, the last thing i have no control over - whether the pathology results are good or bad is not in my control, once we have that answer, i can get on with my normal life, and get used to my new normal body. i want to be in the 90%. please let me be in the 90%.
i suppose that my situation (still can't bring myself to claim cancer as my own, it was all pre-cancerous, remember) has made all my friends much more aware of breast cancer in general and the awareness campaign in particular, which is a good thing to have come out of it.
The huge number of people who have contact with me on a close or casual basis have all been woken up to the fact that it can hit anyone at any time and any age. this is a good thing. it's amazing how many people i do have contact with, there are my friends, and there are an awful lot of you. the other parents at school and nursery school, my new job, my old job, city knitty, LJ. i wonder just how many people know about me now?
i have moments when i forget that the surgery is over, and i find myself thinking that i'll do it after the surgery. then i'll remember that it's over. there must be something in the fact that i came out of hospital with the same general shape that i went in with that allows me to forget momentarily.
i don't like looking at myself. maybe it will get easier when the blue marker pen is finally all washed away, and the steri strips are gone. i have to get used to touching it though. i've been told that i will need to massage the scars to help them heal. i'm not ready for that yet, which i why i sent Bill on a fruitless search for wide steri strips the other day. the nurse said that when the steri strips get "dog eared" i'm to take thewm off and that will be when i'm sto start the 10 minutes a day massage programme, of the abdominal and the breast scars. if i replaced the steri strips, i could delay that. i'm not ready for that yet.
i have my follow up appointment at the western general breast clinic on friday. that is when I will hear about the pathology report on the breast tissue that was removed. there is a 90% chance that it was completley clear of cancer. It may well have been riddled with micro-calcifications, but those are pre-cancerous, remember?
everything has gone so well so far, and i feel as though this is the last hurdle, the last thing i have no control over - whether the pathology results are good or bad is not in my control, once we have that answer, i can get on with my normal life, and get used to my new normal body. i want to be in the 90%. please let me be in the 90%.
